Dale Carnegie Quotes

Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

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Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.

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Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.

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Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

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Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

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Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

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When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

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There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. But the very instant we break the law, we shall get into endless trouble.

The law is this: Always make the other person feel important.

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The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.

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If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interruptBut don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patiently and with an open mind.

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Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.

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You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

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Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

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You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.

I used this principle and I have some very bad experiences.  

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So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

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Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

True and very-very-very important. No exaggeration…!!!

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Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is: “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”

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Thousands of salespeople are pounding the pavements today, tired, discouraged and underpaid. Why? Because they are always thinking only of what they want. They don’t realize that neither you nor I want to buy anything. If we did, we would go out and buy it. But both of us are eternally interested in solving our problems. And if salespeople can show us how their services or merchandise will help us solve our problems, they won’t need to sell us. We’ll buy. And customers like to feel that they are buying – not being sold.

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The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.

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You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.

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These investigations revealed that even in such technical lines as engineering, about 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering-to personality and the ability to lead people.

I will write about IQ (Intelligence Quotient) and EQ (Emotional Quotient) at some other time.

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Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding.

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Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

Very Useful…!!!

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So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people…. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

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Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested. For Roosevelt knew, as all leaders know, that the royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.

I, however, am not in congruence with this.

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Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.

I practiced this and realized that people have started taking me as an awkwardly unskilled juvenile.  Being honest is okay. But if at all you commit a mistake, and commit you must, it is my experience that, come what may, Never accept your mistake.  Hide your blunder.  And if you have sinned, don’t be afraid to take 3 or 4 lives, to keep it covert.  No pun intended. 😉

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1. What am I worrying about?

2. What can I do about it?

“I used to try to answer those questions without writing them down. But I stopped that years ago. I found that writing down both the questions and the answers clarifies my thinking.

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There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he doesFerret out that reason – and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place.

When I was young enough to believe everything in ink, I never questioned anything.  Now, as a grown up, I want to know, WHY?  Why should I try to put myself in other’s shoes.

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If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way.

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Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours.

But would it not waste my time?

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It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

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Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

How?

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By using this….

There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”

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Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is!

And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride. Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!

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And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk.

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The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.

Perhaps Dale Carnegie has written these lines about attitude.

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It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. For example, two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige – and yet one may be miserable and the other happy.

Why? Because of a different mental attitude.

I have seen just as many happy faces among the poor peasants toiling with their primitive tools in the devastating heat of the tropics as I have seen in air-conditioned offices in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles.

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If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

Again why? One should not waste one’s time in helping others if they cannot reciprocate.  Do not mix business and charity.  Charity wastes time.  If you want to do charity, by all means, go for it.  But always do one thing at a time.  Business at the time of business, and charity at the time of charity.

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Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship.

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Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you, you make me happy. I am glad to see you.” That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.

If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call.

Even after 16 years I am trying to find an occasion to use this principle.

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If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.

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Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

All of my bosses never had that my original idea was theirs.

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Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.

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In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing – and keep on emphasizing – the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.

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People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves – morning, noon and after dinner.

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One of the great listeners of modern times was Sigmund Freud. A man who met Freud described his manner of listening: “It struck me so forcibly that I shall never forget him. He had qualities which I had never seen in any other man. Never had I seen such concentrated attention. There was none of that piercing ‘soul penetrating gaze’ business. His eyes were mild and genial. His voice was low and kind. His gestures were few. But the attention he gave me, his appreciation of what I said, even when I said it badly, was extraordinary, You’ve no idea what it meant to be listened to like that.”

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When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost before it is out of the mouth.

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Most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves; they are too busy.

Napoleon the Third, Emperor of France and nephew of the great Napoleon, boasted that in spite of all his royal duties he could remember the name of every person he met. His technique? Simple. If he didn’t hear the name distinctly, he said, “So sorry. I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then, if it was an unusual name, he would say, “How is it spelled?” During the conversation, he took the trouble to repeat the name several times, and tried to associate it in his mind with the person’s features, expression and general appearance.

A very useful technique.

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Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

A very effective technique if you are a teacher.  Managers use it in an otherwise manner.

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We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self esteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation.

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Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application.

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I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it.

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No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold some-thing or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.

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In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. And it might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.

I used this as a teacher among my students and have really found some astonishing results.

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What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people.

How can you develop such an urge? By constantly reminding yourself how important these principles are to you. Picture to yourself how their mastery will aid you in leading a richer, fuller, happier and more fulfilling life.

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The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.

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All of us like people who admire us.

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1. When trying to get the facts, I pretend that I am collecting this information not for myself, but for some other person. This helps me to take a cold, impartial view of the evidence. This helps me eliminate my emotions.

2. While trying to collect the facts about the problem that is worrying me, I sometimes pretend that I am a lawyer preparing to argue the other side of the issue. In other words, I try to get all the facts against myself-all the facts that are damaging to my wishes, all the facts I don’t like to face.

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When you are displeased, try to understand the other person’s viewpoint.

It is easier to find faults. It is more natural to talk about what you want than to talk about what the other person wants. So, as you read this book, remember that you are not merely trying to acquire information. You are attempting to form new habits.

Edited

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Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only way to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person wants.

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I have discovered from personal experience that one can win the attention and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.

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The first teacher had discouraged me by emphasizing my mistakes. This new teacher did the opposite. She kept praising the things I did right and minimizing my errors. ‘You have a natural sense of rhythm,’ she assured me.

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The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals.

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I am talking about a real smile, a heart warming smile, a smile that comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a good price in the marketplace.

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After a few weeks, she said to herself, “Maria, you can’t expect those women to come to you. You have to go out and meet them.” The next time she walked to the water cooler, she put on her brightest smile and said, “Hi, how are you today” to each of the people she met. The effect was immediate. Smiles and hellos were returned, the hallway seemed brighter, the job friendlier.

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When our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they – or at least some of them – will feel inferior and envious.

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Tomorrow, before asking anyone to put out a fire or buy your product or contribute to your favorite charity, why not pause and close your eyes and try to think the whole thing through from another person’s point of view? Ask yourself: “Why should he or she want to do it?”

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The best possible way to prepare for tomorrow is to concentrate with all your intelligence, all your enthusiasm, on doing today’s work superbly today.

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It was this desire for a feeling of importance that led an uneducated, poverty-stricken grocery clerk to study some law books he found in the bottom of a barrel of household plunder that he had bought for fifty cents. You have probably heard of this grocery clerk. His name was Lincoln.

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The employment manager of a large New York department store told me she would rather hire a sales clerk who hadn’t finished grade school, if he or she has a pleasant smile, than to hire a doctor of philosophy with a somber face.

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When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our esophagus.

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There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors.

Not very tactful…. People will use it against yourself.

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Courtesy is just as important to marriage as oil is to your motor.

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I once spent almost two years writing a book on public speaking and yet I found I had to keep going back over it from time to time in order to remember what I had written in my own book. The rapidity with which we forget is astonishing.

Astonishing…!!!

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J. Pierpont Morgan observed, in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. The person himself will think of the real reason. You don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.

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Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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“As I leave for my office, I greet the elevator operator in the apartment house with a ‘Good morning’ and a smile, I greet the doorman with a smile. I smile at the cashier in the subway booth when I ask for change. As I stand on the floor of the Stock Exchange, I smile at people who until recently never saw me smile.”

I used this everywhere wherever I have worked.  This is the most important and rewarding thing.

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Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation.

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Almost all the progress ever made in human thought has been made by the Doubting Thomases, the questioners, the challengers, the show-me crowd.

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Disraeli said: “Life is too short to be little.” often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. … Here we are on this earth, with only a few more decades to live, and we lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year’s time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worth-while actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings.

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An argument would have begun to steam and boil and sputter – and you know how arguments end. Even if I had convinced him that he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficult for him to back down and give in.

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Begin in a friendly way.

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Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying “No.” A “No” response, according to Professor Overstreet, (*) is a most difficult handicap to overcome. When you have said “No,” all your pride of personality demands that you remain consistent with yourself.

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Many companies train their telephone operators to greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiates interest and enthusiasm.

Yes… and I was rigorously trained for 6 months to sound enthusiastic.  Everything depended on my sounding (though not being) enthusiastic.

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In reality, what he had really wanted was a feeling of importance. He got this feeling of importance at first by kicking and complaining. But as soon as he got his feeling of importance from a representative of the company, his imagined grievances vanished into thin air.

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Shut off the future as tightly as the past. … The future is today. … There is no tomorrow. The day of man’s salvation is now.

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Let’s be content to live the only time we can possibly live: from now until bedtime.

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When we have accepted the worst, we have nothing more to lose. And that automatically means-we have everything to gain!

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The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it.

And I want to tell you that this practice has provided me several free lunches and dinners.

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Our trouble is not ignorance, but inaction.

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Any psychiatrist will tell you that work – keeping busy – is one of the best anaesthetics ever known for sick nerves.

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When we are not busy, our minds tend to become a near-vacuum. Nature also rushes in to fill the vacant mind. With what? Usually with emotions. Why? Because emotions of worry, fear, hate, jealousy, and envy are driven by primeval vigour and the dynamic energy of the jungle. Such emotions are so violent that they tend to drive out of our minds all peaceful, nappy thoughts and emotions.

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By all means take careful thought and planning and preparation. But have no anxiety.

Edited.

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One grain of sand at a time. One task at a time.

Never multitask…. And you will be 10 times more productive.

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The Magic Anti-Worry Formula

a. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem?”

b. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst – if necessary.

c. Then calmly try to improve upon the worst – which you have already mentally agreed to accept.

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One of the worst features about worrying is that it destroys our ability to concentrate. When we worry, our minds jump here and there and everywhere, and we lose all power of decision. However, when we force ourselves to face the worst and accept it mentally, we then eliminate all those vague imaginings and put ourselves in a position in which we are able to concentrate on our problem.

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If a man will devote his time to securing facts in an impartial, objective way, his worries usually evaporate in the light of knowledge.”

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The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear to do and get a record of successful experiences behind you.

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One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.

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Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

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The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.

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Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

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When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.

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Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

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Today is life-the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.

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Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed.

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If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

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People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.

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Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.

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Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

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There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts:

what we do

how we look

what we say, and

how we say it.

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Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.

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Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.

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The person who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore.

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If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.

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Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire.

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It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.

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If you believe in what you are doing, then let nothing hold you up in your work. Much of the best work of the world has been done against seeming impossibilities. The thing is to get the work done.

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There are always three speeches, for every one you actually gave. The one you practiced, the one you gave, and the one you wish you gave.

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When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

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You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.

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Are you bored with life? Then throw yourself into some work you believe in with all your heart, live for it, die for it, and you will find happiness that you had thought could never be yours.

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Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.

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The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure.

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The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back.

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Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic.

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The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

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You can close more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

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Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the full period, but content themselves with a mediocrity of success.

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Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.

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We all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do.

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Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. Relevant detail, couched in concrete, colourful language, is the best way to recreate the incident as it happened and to picture it for the audience.

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There is only one way… to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.

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Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.

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Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.

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Fear not those who argue but those who dodge.

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Only the prepared speaker deserves to be confident.

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The royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most.

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The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another’s keeping .

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You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing.

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.

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The ideas I stand for are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus. And I put them in a book. If you don’t like their rules, whose would you use?

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Each nation feels superior to other nations. That breeds patriotism – and wars.

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Speakers who talk about what life has taught them never fail to keep the attention of their listeners.

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Tell the audience what you’re going to say, say it; then tell them what you’ve said.

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These are the lists of books by Dale Carnegie,

1915: Art of Public Speaking with Joseph Berg Esenwein.

1920: Public Speaking: the Standard Course of the United Y. M. C. A. Schools

1926: Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men.

1937: Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business

1956: How to Develop Self-Confidence and Influence People by Public Speaking Public Speaking for Success (2005).

1932: Lincoln, the Unknown.

1934: Little Known Facts About Well Known People.

1936: How to Win Friends and Influence People.

1937: Five Minute Biographies.

1944: Dale Carnegie’s Biographical round-up.

1948: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

1959: Dale Carnegie’s Scrapbook: a Treasury of the Wisdom of the Ages.

1962: The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking.